


Unsaid Miyas

by sakuluvies



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: but you should have known bc its a miya fic, if u thought this was a miya ship fic go to therapy please, if you are searching for a ship fic i am sorry, sad? i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-01
Updated: 2020-11-01
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:33:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27333472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sakuluvies/pseuds/sakuluvies
Summary: In where Miya confesses what he left unsaid.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu & Miya Osamu, Miya Osamu & Suna Rintarou
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	Unsaid Miyas

**Author's Note:**

> as always: english is not my first language so bare with me please; this will be corrected/edited later on in case there are any spelling mistakes.
> 
> this is NOT a ship fic, but there is a Osasuna mention, Sakuatsu, etc.

If I had ever known how precious time is I would have not wasted any second next to you.

Even though I cannot remember half of the moments we spend together, as there were too many, I don't think I'll ever forget that night. 

First things first, if I could go back in time I would have never get up that day. If I had know what was waiting for us that cold winter day I would have stayed the whole day in bed.

* * *

_The first day of winter was a cold one. It barely snowed at the beginning of the season, but that day, it did. Atsumu woke up early to go for a run and when he went back home, his mum told him his brother had already left for school. The youngest of them had left the oldest behind many times, but somehow, that day felt different. There was no argument about pudding, there was no argument about not returning clothes, there was no argument at all. But Atsumu had to walk by himself in the middle of a snowy landscape, covered from head to toe. A big red scarf was covering half of his face, and the other half was covered by a winter beanie his mother forced him to wear._

_When he arrived he tried to search for his twin brother, but failed miserably at finding him. Therefore, he had to spend the first hours wondering where was his brother hiding at. At lunch break he went to find him at his salon. Atsumu was at class 2, while his brother was at class 1. He wanted to scream at him when he found him staring at the window, but stopped himself when he saw Suna sit next to him. The black-haired boy sat next to him in silence and saw how he was holding thight to his boyfriend. Atsumu wasn't sure if they had a fight, but Osamu looked sad._

_\- You two okay? -wondered making his way inside the salon._

_\- We are, you should go back to your class. The break will be over in a few minutes._

_\- Why ya' left without me 'Samu? Ya okay?_

_\- Yes, I'll see you at practice. - Atsumu looked at him with worried eyes- I am fine, I swear._

_Eventhough he knew his brother wasn't fine, he was going to give him space. Atsumu would apologize if he had done anything wrong, at the end of the day, he is his brother. But he didn't recall anything. Seeing Osamu and Suna so close and his borther pushing him away, was a red light. Something was off._

_\- I am done after this._

_\- You are? Wanna grab some food?_

_\- That's not what he meant -Suna said with an almost unhearble voice- Let's hear him out._

_\- I mean I am not playing volleyball anymore._

_\- You what?_

_Atsumu felt his world crashing for the first time. It may have seemed like a trivial thing for anyone, but Atsumu had no memory of volleyball without his brother._

_\- That's why you are acting weird?_

_\- I knew ya would get angry._

_\- Of course I would! Why you want to do that? We said we would play together forever!_

_\- You said that 'Tsumu, I don't plan on continuing._

_\- But you..._

_\- I never said anything. Look, we'll talk at home._

_\- Of course we will!_

_Atsumu was angry and it was shown during the whole practice. He barely tossed to his brother, and he was lacking. Atsumu never lacked at volleyball. He never let anything affect his game. But his brother was leaving him behind._

_When they sat down to dinner with their parents, Atsumu still hadn't said a single word to his brother._

_\- I am quiting volley._

_\- There he goes. -said Atsumu with an annoyed tone._

_\- Why?_

_\- I wanna open a restaurant. I don't wanna play anymore. It's.... not fun._

_\- Excuse me? -Atsumu looked at his brother gobsmacked- What ya' mean it's no fun? We have fun!_

_\- But that is not my future. Maybe it's yours 'Tsumu, but not mines._

_\- Don't 'Tsumu me. Dad!_

_\- If that's what you want. I will not interfere._

_\- Thank you._

_\- What the fuck? Why are you acting like this?_

_\- Atsumu please, don't swear at your father._

_\- No mum! I don't understand! Why are you being like this? You opposed to me when I said that I wanted to be a professional player._

_\- But he changed his mind when he saw you play. -tried to calm him down his own mother._

_\- I don't care! You've never been supporting of anything we did! When ya' found out Suna and 'Samu making out you beat the shit out of him! Why the fuck are you trying to be a good dad now?_

_\- Atsumu!_

_\- For one time I, your son, need you to be a pushing father figure, you let him go; I cannot belive this shit._

_Atsumu left the table incredulous. He didn't understand why this was happening. Why everything was so different. Osamu was leaving him behind, his father was acting as the dad of the year, and his mother... He was sure she already knew. Atsumu was mad._

_And he stayed mad for at least two more weeks._

_\- Are ya' eva' gonna talk to me again or ya' wanna keep giving me the cold shoulder?_

_\- Why?_

_\- I just don't want to play anymore, 'Tsumu. I knew ya'll be mad but i thought ya' would respect it._

_\- What? You leaving me behind?_

_\- I am not leaving you behind! I'll just be in Tokyo, it's not that far away anyways._

_\- Ya'll be at.... where?_

_\- Fuck. -the oldest whispered._

_\- So ya' fucking leaving the town?_

_\- Ya were gonna do the same anyways._

_\- But you didn't say it to me!_

_\- Can you stop screaming?_

_\- Why the fuck would you do that? I don't approve of it._

_\- Atsumu I don't fucking care what you approve or not. I never objected to your future plans. I would never._

_\- Well I do. And I am the oldest so you have to listen to me!_

_\- Stop pushing on others what you want! Stop being so selfish! For fuck sakes._

_Osamu had never lost his temper in front of Atsumu. Not even when they were younger. Osamu was always the calm kid. But now it seemed like he was boiling up. Pushing others to do waht Atsumu wanted?_

_\- What the fuck you talking about?_

_\- You keep pushing everyone to do as you say. In the team, in school, that's why you barerly have friends other than your teammates, 'Tsumu. I told you so when we were younger._

_\- I don't give a fuck about others. But.... ya really think I am that selfish?_

_\- You are proving it. You are just throwing a tantrum as if you were five, 'Tsumu. It's not a big of a deal._

_\- That my brother is leaving me behind? It is for me!_

_\- It's just volleyball!_

_\- It has never been only valleyball for me!_

_\- But it did for me! See? Ya even took the time to ask? It's not that fucking difficult to listen to me from time to time._

_\- I do listen to you._

_\- You don't. That's why I cannot say anything to you._

_\- What? Then tell me everything you need to tell me right now!_

_\- Suna and I got engaged._

_\- WHAT THE FUCK?_

_\- I would have told you but I-_

_\- Why are you saying that out of the blue? What the fuck is going on? You are only 18! Does dad know ab... How would he know? He barerly just has approv-_

_\- He does._

_\- So I am the only one that doesn't?_

_\- I am sorry. But I knew that if I told you about Tokyo, and Suna, and volleyball you would've...._

_\- You don't know shit. I would have been happy. I love Suna! Why would I get angry?_

_And he was being honest. Atsumu loved how Suna treated his borther. How he took care of both of them, how close the three of them had been for years. He would have been so happy for them. But all he could think about was that his brother didn't trust him. ANd that he was still leaving him behind._

_\- I am sorry; look from now on let's just tell-_

_\- You really fucking suck. I fucking hate you. I wish you were never born._

_\- What? - Osamu looked at his brother- What the fuck you said?_

_\- Why would I want a brother that doesn't trust me? Nor love me?!_

_\- Who said anything about me not loving you? What ya talking about?_

_\- I should have eaten you in the womb!_

_\- You make no fucking sense 'Tsumu!_

_\- You are the one that doesn't make sense! I hate that you keep things from me! That you lie to me!_

_\- I am saying I'll tell you everyhing from now on!_

_\- Well maybe from now on I don't want to know ahything more from nor about you._

_\- Are you for real? Why are you making this more of an issue than it really is?_

_\- It is a big issue for me. Because I always tell you everything, but you don't. So I won't anymore._

_\- You've gotta be kiddin' me._

_Atsumu went back to his room and grab a bunch of things. He went down stairs while his family was just sitting to eat dinner._

_\- Come sit w-....What is all of this? -wondered his mother._

_\- I'm spendin' the night at Kita's._

_\- Why would you do that? -asked his father._

_\- Don't worry we are not having sex. Or ya' only gonna be a good dad to Osamu?_

_\- Atsumu!_

_\- I'm leaving mum! I'll go straight to school tomorrow from Kita's; don't wait for me._

_\- So fucking childish. -he heard his brother say._

_\- He'll be back tomorrow, don't worry honey. He is just... a teenager._

_\- He is a fucking annoying idiot, that's what he is._

_\- Osamu!_

_\- And you are the worst brother one could have ever asked for! -screamed back the oldest before slamming the door._

_Atsumu knew he was being childish. Kita didn't have to tell him (although he still did). He knew it wasn't that big of a deal, but he was mad. There were so many changes; Atsumu hated changes. He had always faced changes with his brother, but those were relate to him, so he would have to face them by himself. And he also just realized his brother didn't trust him. That was what annoyed him the most._

_\- He does trust you Atsumu. But we all know how you overreact._

_\- But not telling me about him and Suna?_

_\- They are not even sure. Suna told me they just said they would in a future. They don't even have a ring. It's not that serious._

_\- But it is for me._

_\- Look, both of you are in the wrong. So just apologize to him tomorrow._

_\- Why do I have to do it?_

_\- You literally told him you should have eaten him before you two were even born._

_\- Okay it was stupid, but I am mad -pouted the setter._

_\- Ya'll both stupid, but you two will figure it out. Ya'll twins after all. You cannot be apart for too long._

_\- This is the longest argument we had._

_\- And it's been less than a month._

_\- I am... scared of changes. That's all._

_\- You know Osamu. He is probably terrified too._

_\- I know._

_\- Apologize._

_\- I will. Can I fucking sleep now?_

_[...]_

_Atsumu felt tired. He had barerly slept that night. His chest hurt, maybe because of the guilt he was feeling. Maybe the anger. He wasn't sure. Kita and him arrived early at school and went straight to practice. Kita knew that was what Atsumu needed._

_\- Isn't Osamu here? -wondered Suna entering the gym._

_\- I came with Kita._

_\- Why?_

_\- Because I went to sleep at his house to avoid your fiancee. Congrats by the way._

_\- You didn't go back home with him?_

_\- I just told you that I was at Kita's._

_\- Yeah, but Osamu told me he was going to... Maybe he didn't. ANyways, he is not picking the phone. Just, if you see him, tell me._

_\- Will do._

_Atsumu was still annoyed, but he began to worry. Osamu always picked his phone. However, if he had spend a bad night, he would probably have fell sleep and still hadn't wake up. His phone rang and thought it might be his brother, but it was an unknown number. He hang up, class was going to begin._

_Not even ten minutes after, the door opened while the teacher was still in the middle of his explanation._

_\- What are you doing?_

_\- Atsumu. -Kita looked at him- Can y-you come out? Please?_

_\- You kid shouldn't-_

_\- Please?_

_Atsumu looked at Kita, who was weridly nervious._

_\- I believe whatever you have to say can wait for-_

_\- It's your fucking fault! -Suna run inside the room- You had to run away, huh? You know him! This is all your fucking fault._

_-Kids! To detention! -screamed the teacher- I've had enough._

_\- Is this about Osamu? -asked Atsumu getting up. The whole room was silence. - Where is he?_

_\- Atsumu you should..._

_\- Has he arrived?_

_\- Your parents called you but you..._

_\- Kita!_

_\- I am sorry._

* * *

I remember how the world stopped after that. How the guilt was ruining through every part of my body. How everyone kept looking at me. I was out of breath. Mom and dad were.. angry. Or sad. Maybe both. And I felt... weird. My chest kept burning for weeks. Not sure if it was pain, regret or sadness. I felt hurt. I felt the world actually crashing in front of me. I didn't care about volley, I didn't care about anything. All I wanted was my brother back. But you, indeed, left me behind.

I know it wasn't your intention. And you would hit me if I said it was my fault. But I cannot stop thinking it was. Because that night, while I was sleeping my emotions out, you took the time to come after me to talk about things. After all, you weren't the proud twin. I would have loved to know what were you going to say to me. I know what I would have said to you: sorry. I know it isn't much. That everything I said before was worst. And that accidents happen. But, I still regret everything. 

All I ever wanted to say to you, has dissapeared from my mind. I feel wordless. I feel like nothing would be enough. I don't feel there are enough words to explain how I feel. I want to say that we are okay. It's been a few years and we are... okay. I thingk. I don't really know, because we barerly talk about it; it still hurts. I haven't seen Suna lately; last time we talked when we graduated; they he parted from all of us. But I saw him a few years ago. He heard I was playing a important match and came to see the team. Before I could even say hello, he had already left. I don't know if he is still mad, I don't think so, but he is, indeed, hurt. All of us still are. I am playing again. After quitting because I know all was due to that, I also remembered that you wouldn't have want that. That's what everyone kept telling me. It is fucking annoying when people say: he would have liked.... You don't know shit, so shut up.

I do remember everything that happend, and every and each word that came out of my mouth. And I regret them. I realized that at that time I wasn't thinking straight. You know I've always been an overthinker, even if I didn't give a fuck about others. You knew I wasn't strong, even if it seemed like it. Because only you saw that part of my. Because I was vulnerable and defenseless only to you. Because you are my brother, and it felt like a part of my soul was rip offed from me. 

I regret all I said, 'Sumu, but what I regret the most are the words I've barerly said to you. The ones I've never said. The words I do't want to be left unsaid.

I was really happy for you. And proud. I knew you would eventually became the best chef in Tokyo. 

I was also jelous. Because you had everything decided, planned, and I did too. But yours seemed so much more.... mature. Stable? You were growing up, unafraid of the changes and stones you might have found out; but I was not. You were ready to face all of those changes but I was not. I was not ready to let you go after college, and I was defenetly not ready to let you go that day. I sould have never let you go. I will never let you go. I will always be your twin brother, you will always be mine. 

You will always be my favourite Miya, Osamu. You will always be the one I treasure the most. The one I'll brag about to everyone.

I love you, and I will always will. Eventhough I barerly told those three word straight up to you, eventhough I know you know I did and still do, I don't want them to be left unsaid. 

So here are my unsaid words for you: I am sorry, and I miss you. Every single day.

_\- Should we go? We can stay more if you want._

_\- It's okay Omi, I'll come back next year._

_\- We will. -he felt his husband's hand hold him tight. - Let's go home for now._ _Say goodbye to your uncle, Osamu._

_\- Bye uncle Osamu! -the kid send a flying kiss to him- And thank you for lending me your name! I'll treasure it! And I'll take care of dad for you!_

_\- Yes you will. -smiled his dad at him. - Goodbye, brother._

**Author's Note:**

> so this is based on "unsaid emily" from julie and the phantoms but also my irl experience since i lost someone from my family (not my twin, but you know) and i feel like i left things unsaid that i wanted to say to him and never got the change to (also i barely remember anything from our last days together so yes, the angst was needed).


End file.
